Monday, March 21, 2011

the day of disbelief has arrived on my doorstep

Carol has waited day in and
out of her rickety blue house slouching
on the corner of seventh and
laurel streets
beyond the reasoning
more than five years have passed by since katrina came to
visit the neighborhood
with little damage to rest the eyes on as she gazes catty corner and down
the road of thirteen years

if my husband were still alive

today was the day when i finally got my money to fix my house
i kept everything organized and in triplicate
filed away and of course i followed
all the rules and regulations and filled out all the countless useless forms
never leaving an empty box
i found an old wooden cigarette box upstairs tucked away strangely
protected from the waterlogged collection
but new forms reappear and there is no end in sight

the woman working at the collection assistance office is just the perfect fit
cold as a coconut snoball i tell her that fairly soon the money will be no use to me because my house will fall down out of sight
not a sympathetic bone in her stiff skinny straight-postured frame

Friday, March 11, 2011

the magic is deceptive

Floating.
like a child's lost balloon
and I don't know where to land
how to find stable ground
swimming---
through thick unchartered waters with little sound reaching across
the barriers that dictate my identity.
the far-reaching limitations of what I know
what I don't know
what I cannot allow to be true
Joan Didion's ordinary instant stays with me
that split second that takes everything away
changes infinite lives across the globe
in one every day rhythm never before noticed
all like the next 15 thousand moments
that indicate
infiltrate
undetermined
yet to be discovered destinations
far beyond the winding California roads
between vineyards freshly harvested

skirting around the real words
aimlessly searching
for scraps amidst the meaninglessness
sifting through this mess reaches no
conclusion

sam cooke

it's been a long time coming and i've been afraid of

changing the status quo, the unkown, and the unattainable

but i know a change is gonna come